Lists

If you visit sites like Yahoo, Google and MSN, you will find a news story about some new list that has been released. The top 10 worst commuting cities. The top 10 best beach resorts. The top 10 ways to lose weight. The lists are interesting to me and I find myself clicking these links to see if I can guess the number 1 on each list. “The Carrot Juice and Liverwurst diet has to be number 1. C’mon carrot Juice….. Number 5! That’s bullshit! Who came up with this crap! How are palates better than carrot juice and liverwurst?”

Americans we seem to be obsessed with these lists – as is seen every night on Late Night with David Letterman. His lists are fictional and created for a laugh. However, a quick Google search reveals that there are plenty of serious lists out there that are as funny as Dave’s and some that are just plain are disturbing.

Top 10 Bizarre Body Modifications
Top 10 Most Beautiful Fish
Top 10 Lesser Known Massacres
Top 10 Most Unusual Last Wills and Testaments
Top 10 Rejected New Jersey State Slogans
And my personal favorite –
The Top 10 Most bizarre things men have been caught having sex with (a fence was number 1, barely edging out a lamp post and a picnic table)

There are lists on everything: Sports, politics, cooking, business, travel. You name it. In an attempt to make a splash in this new genre of interesting, yet completely useless information, I currently researching a few top 10’s of my own that will define how Americans live, play, and work for decades to come.

10 worst places to get your zipper caught
Top 10 ways to lose your car keys
Top 10 ways to seal an envelope
Top 10 seasonings for Sauerbraten
10 worst types of athletic socks

I have put in hours of research on these lists and am developing them using a $63 Million grant provided by the Department of Homeland Security. I have a team of 30 researchers from Germany to Idaho working round the clock. We are using cutting edge oracle databases and the latest statistical regression analyses developed at the University of Chicago.

Look for the results in your internet search engine soon.