Off the wagon.

About 2 months ago my wife read “Skinny Bitch”. She became passionate about its message regarding the things we put in our bodies and where our food comes from. I read the book as well (as noted in a previous post). I liked the fact that it was an easy read and was written in crass conversational language. I come to find out later that the primary author is from New Jersey. Maybe that’s why I understood it so well.

I gave up eating meat. Not all meat, just what I call “land meat”. You could serve me a swordfish steak with a side of crab cakes and a cup of chowder and I’d tear through that like Oprah at a Vegas buffet. Land meat is poultry, beef and pork. Not a huge sacrifice really, as I live in New England and Lobster is the same price as steak tips at the local Shaw’s.

I have been having difficulty lately however. I am constantly hungry, and I find myself filling the void with junk food. In this dietary transition, we have been swept up in the organic marketing craze as well, so I don’t snack on good old fashioned American Lays Potato Chips, but Toms Vermont, Organic, All-Natural, BPA-Free, Whole Grain, Sea Salted Potato Slices. Bullshit. That’s a fancy way to slap a $6 price tag on a god damn bag of tasteless, salty and unfulfilling crap that actually has more saturated fat, sodium and cholesterol than Lays….and what could be more organic than a friggin potato? It grows in the dirt. What’s a non-organic potato? Are there potato labs hidden in the hills of Idaho, creating genetically superior spuds? I doubt it. See….it doesn’t take much for the frustration to emerge. The whole organic movement is Madison Avenue nonsense. Maybe I’m just pissed that I didn’t think of it.

Moving on – My wife wishes to enforce a vegan kitchen. This means no meat or dairy in house. Well shit. I can understand not having meat around - it truly repulses her. I like milk. I like cheese. I especially like eggs. Soy milk is absolutely terrible. It has no flavor and actually makes my Starbucks bold Sumatra coffee taste worse. It does stay good for a really long time though. It has to. Who the hell would drink more than 2 tablespoons of this concoction at a time? Rice milk looks like the water you use to rinse out the paint brush after a few coats of primer. I imagine the taste is similar as well – although I haven’t actually verified this. There is no vegan substitute for cheese or eggs. Vegan cheese is not something you want to experiment with. Have you seen the color of this stuff? You can’t tell me that color occurs in nature. It’s the same color hunters wear so they don’t shoot each other.

I don’t like to think that I’ve given up here. I could keep going. It’s just not for me. If I were independently wealthy with 2 hours to prepare each meal, I would be happy. Not many people have that luxury. The stress involved in attempting to prepare a tasty and filling substitute meal is far more taxing on my body than the baked chicken and rice I would like to eat.
That said - I am back to my carnivorous ways. I won’t flaunt it in front of my wife, as I deeply respect her passionate decision to reject any animal derived products.